Gathered Silence and Wedding Bells – November 15, 2017

I’ll be gone from SFX this weekend.  My niece Anna is getting married and I’ll be celebrating with her and her groom Aaron and family and friends.  It will be a Quaker Wedding – a ceremony in an unprogrammed Meeting for Worship.  This means there will be a lot of silence.  My brother Terence fell in love (and is still in love) with a Quaker and so he has two Quaker children and he himself has become a Quaker.

Anna explained the wedding ritual this way, “there will not be a minister or any kind of officiant at our wedding, and we will be seated during the ceremony…after we process in and take our seats, a few members of our family and wedding party whom we have asked to give messages will speak…these message will be followed by a period of silent worship…we will say our vows to one another out of this gathered silence…after that, there will be a longer period of silent worship, during which anyone who feels moved to speak may do so.”

Anna’s big brother Sam and his bride Rachel also had a Quaker wedding and I have to tell you – it’s a beautiful and powerful ritual (even if it is the exact opposite of Charlie’s and my wedding – with our string quartet, organ, piano and full choir, two priests and a nun preaching, three Scripture readings and lots and lots of prayers).  But that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? Anna and Aaron are having their wedding.

The best advice Charlie and I received before our wedding is that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to be married.  Each couple has to find their way.  The couple that did our pre-marriage counseling encouraged us to “just keep talking and talking until you find ‘Mariann and Charlie’s way.’”  That is true about money and sex and inlaws and work/life balance.  I look around and I see so many different ways of being married.  I’m grateful that Charlie and I are finding ours.  I trust Anna and Aaron will keep “talking and talking” as they find theirs.